Once again I would like to, up front, print a disclaimer, stating, I
dropped History as soon as I possibly could in secondary school, in order
to steep my soul in the mysterious world of Science. So, I ditched the
History of Scotland 1332AD to 1877AD for ‘watch what happens to Sodium when
you throw it in some water……..ooh…..look at the pretty colours!
This allowed me to step into the future, and not lurk in a past full
of wars, sea battles, plagues, witches………and bad Austrians…… once again I
apologise reservedly for not sticking in any way possible to real
historical facts. There may be the odd sentence that’s close to what
actually happened in Southern Scotland during the early AD’s, but, if it
happens, this will be more luck than actual knowledge. HISTORIANS look away
So, here we are, Episode 2 of Pell of the Selgovae. You can go and delve
into my archive to remind yourself of the brilliantly exciting and funny
Episode 1…. but, just in case you don’t have time, here’s a reminder of
where we got to…….
1. The Selgovae – a tribe who lived in Southern Alba when the
2. Pell – young highly intelligent, soon to become warrior, 14 yrs of age, lives with his family in
a small village near what would become the town of Dumfries.
3. Pell’s father is Tarlo, his Mother is Seni, he has a younger
brother, Esh, who Pell keeps getting into trouble for shooting
arrows at apples on his head as target practice.
4. Pell’s best friend is a girl called Arla. Pell’s face always goes
redder than a hawthorn berry when his father asks him if she is
5. Claudius Nimbus is the Roman General sent from Rome to finish off
the Tribes of Alba and ‘be home by Two Winters forward’ ably
assisted by his PA Titus Grabbius
If you want to read the first episode here’s the link…. Pell Of The Selgovae Part One
………a mile away from the Roman fort at Luguvalio………… (basically Carlisle
just off the M6 at Junction 44)
‘Well Titus, 3 weeks of sitting on horses, boats, more horses, and,here
we are, in a soggy, wet, but very green I might add, end of the world as we
know it. I didn’t realise there was no sun in these parts’
‘I wouldn’t know Sir, I can’t see anything for the rain’
‘Well, Titus, the weather may be grim, we may both be tired and sodden, but, soon, we will be in the warm embrace of a Roman Fort, with roaring fires, warm furs, and copious amounts of Roman wine to ensure we forget why we are actually here. I would like to remind you at this point, having been turfed out of Rome humiliatingly by the Emperor, I did, did I not, give you the chance to find a post with another military officer, with slightly less bad luck’
‘Beginning to wish I’d taken it…….’
‘Sorry, what was that you said….?’
‘I said, after all we’ve been through, I couldn’t leave you General’
‘Ah, yes, we’ve been through much together haven’t we Titus Grabbius. Things, as they say, can only get better’
It wasn’t long before Fort Luguvalio appeared before them……
‘Halt, bare your presence…..’
(Note: ‘who goes there’ wasn’t invented until 1914 just in case you’re wondering ☺️)
‘I am Claudius Nimbus, General of the 19th Roman Legion, and this is my assistant Titus Grabbius, a former waif from Perugia’
‘Not thee General Claudius Nimbus’
‘……..listen, Titus, even here, on the edge of the world they have heard of me…..’
‘Not, Claudius Nimbus, who led his fog bound legion against his own army by mistake, that Claudius Nimbus?’
*chortling from behind the fort walls*
‘ Oh dear Titus…..news travels fast these days… 😥 ‘
‘Look, let us in, I am to take charge of this garrison and move North to conquer…….well, whatever’s up there’
‘That would be demons, monsters, ghouls and ghosts…….’
‘Monsters and Demons…..what is this madness you talk of?’
‘You forgot the ghouls and ghosts…….oh and headless horsemen, minotaurs, dragons and evil spirits….’
‘You are an officer of the Roman Army…….have you been drinking?’
‘Right that’s it! Let me in this minutae. You’ll be the first soldier to be put on a charge!’
‘I can’t let you in until you give me the password….’
‘Password…..password……..i’ve never heard of such a thing’
‘Well, that’s a shame. Can’t put me on a charge if you can’t get in’
‘Good try……but not right’
………While Claudius Nimbus continued vainly to guess his way into his own fort, Pell of the Selgovae was practicing……
‘Dad told you not to shoot apples off my head…….’
‘Look….stop moving……you know i never miss…..but we don’t want you with a funny haircut now do we?
Pells little brothe Esh stood rigid, although the apple on his head was visibly rocking a little.
‘Ok, Esh, it’s probably best if you close your eyesat this point….’
Esh had already closed them tighter than any 9yr old could close them……and then some…. 🙂
Esh’s 9 year old life flashed before him…….which had mainly consisted of avoiding the mad plans of his older brother and catching fish. He waited for the thud of the arrow but nothing came. He slowly opened one eye…….then JUMPED! Pell was standing right in front of him, calmly eating the now head removed from apple.
‘you didn’t shoot!’
‘Of course not little brother. I have now confirmed you’re the bravest warrior in the village, perhaps the whole Selgovae tribe. You have earned the right to help Arla and the others in our fight against the Gold Warriors…….but don’t tell Dad….ok?’
“You mean……..you mean…….I can come to the forest with you????’
‘Yes, you may only be 9 years old little brother…..but you are wise and clever…you must learn fast and do what I tell you…………here’
‘My own bow!!’
‘You are sharp today little one……. :-)’
‘Let’s go. We have much to do’
‘Look………….another measure of rain has fallen while we’ve been sitting here trying to guess your stupid password…….Let us in and we’ll call it quits on the charges….’
Claudius Nimbus sat on his now rather damp horse in disbelief as the doors of the fort creaked open.
Up on the walls of the fort…….
‘Remus……what is the password?’
‘There isn’t one, Gramus……there isnt one :-)’
…….just as the weary Claudius Nimbus and Titus Grabbius were about to trot slowly into the now functionally open fort, a loud wail came from behind…..
A horse and what looked like a brown steaming bear came thundering towards them….
‘Let me in Let me IN!’
‘Gramus, it’s Titan…..he’s back from his sorte north…..’
‘They have MAGIC, the forest is full of DEMONS and MONSTERS………LET ME IN!
He thundered past Claudius and Titus, leaving a rather obnoxious foul smeeling odour in his wake.
‘Did you see his eyes Sire, they were the wide eyes of a madman’
‘Yes, Titus,, they were, perhaps we won’t be back in Rome by two winters forward after all….Let’s go in…..’
‘Pell Of The Selgovae Part 2’ was brought to you by David Linden and Dodo Productions © 2015 follow me on Twitter via @qosfc1919