The Vegan Vigilantes

Completely left field and nothing to do with Vegan Vigilantes here’s a link to something I found just a tad funny…..

People blowing their garden up isn’t something you normally see everyday, but, a man in Brazil had allegedly been getting earache from his wife because there was a nest of cockroaches under his front lawn. Now, I’ve never had a nest of cockroaches under my lawn. A wasps nest in the barn maybe, or an ants nest under the patio, but never a swarm of cockroaches. So, maybe I shouldn’t be too critical of the guys solution to the problem. 😁

Me? I’d probably have Googled the best and safest ways to get rid. Note the word ‘safest’…….☺️

Moving on to other ‘news’, I use the BBC website a lot. Way too much. Whether it’s the latest football gossip or another gaffe from Boris, i just have to have regular peeks to see what’s going on. Today I stumbled upon an article on veganism in the workplace.

Now, my first belief is everyone should be treated fairly and equally. Within reason we should be able to say what we want and do what we want. We all should know where to draw the line and how to treat coworkers, friends and family the right way.

However, sometimes I read things and roll my eyes twice as my brain sucks in the words, go ‘WHAT!’ then roll my eyes even more.

So… I’d never met a vegan before until one day I was invited to a friends for lunch. After the usual ‘Hi, ‘haven’t seen you for ages’, mwah mwah side of cheek kissy stuff, we eventually sat down for lunch. Everything was fine until one of the relatives offered meat loaf to one of the guests…..

‘Excuse me…..that’s not meat loaf!!…….that’s Jasmine’s nut loaf’

The slightly red faced server of the meat loaf looking nut roast swiftly ejected the beast from her hands and sat down like a slightly deflated balloon.

The seat next to me was subsequently filled by a blonde haired girl.

I smiled and said hello. Just as she was about to reply a voice said….

‘Jasmine….I couldn’t find your jug for your soya milk but I’ve washed this milk jug several times so…’

‘No…no that won’t do!’ scorched the blonde sitting next to me.


But nothing. What turned out to be her mother in law was obviously holding the Jug of Death. More deadly than kryptonite or Ebola. Milk molecules may have found a way to hide from hot water, fairy liquid and a scorching from a blow torch could still be lurking inside just waiting to kill.

I turned to face the Jasmine. She was looking at her mother in law as if she’d committed a murder.

‘Are you vegetarian?’ I asked

‘She turned towards me and snapped ‘I’m vegan actually’

I bit my tongue, as in my head I was asking her ‘and what planet system is that in?’

My healthy salad

I couldn’t quite grasp why someone would think there was anything at all in the jug that would do her harm.

Roll on to last year and I’m in Sydney. The television news was on. Apart from taking the proverbial out of the UK for voting for Brexit the Aussie news hadn’t really grabbed my attention. But, this particular morning there was a strange news article. A groups of people were sitting in the middle of a junction surrounded by police cars and paramedics. It turned out the centre of Melbourne had ground to a halt because 30 people had handcuffed themselves to each other and sat down……..

‘……police here in Melbourne have been working out a plan to remove the protesters from the road. In the last five minutes there has been movement and we’re expecting them to move in shortly…..’

I wondered what they were protesting about. No jobs, high taxes, poor health service? Maybe they were Republicans who wanted Australia free from Prince Andrew or Harry and Meghan 🙂

Nope. The headline said ‘Vegan Vigilantes bring Melbourne to a standstill’ It turned out our handcuffed friends were vegans protesting about cruelty to animals. The additional comedy was provided by how many police it took to lift a handcuffed couple into the back of a van 🙂

Now I know cows are in the top 10 climate change killers. Every fart from a cow increases the average temperature by 5 degrees C per year. At that rate we won’t need to wait until the Sun explodes to be vaporised, it’ll happen next Tuesday. However, in reality, there are a few hundreds of thousands of factories churning out greenhouse gases in vast quantities which we need to worry about first before sending meat eaters into holes under the ground to eat a McDonalds without feeling guilty. I worked out that if every meat eater on Earth substituted their meat for a cucumber salad with a hummus dressing on the side, we’d run out of veggies in a week leading to mass starvation and Ronald McDonald being on the dole. It’s not just all that, it’s the thought that every time an iceberg lettuce has its head cut off I can hear it screaming, and, what about forced rhubarb!!! What’s it being forced to do and why’s no one doing anything about it.

Vegan Vigilantes in Melbourne

After the vegan vigilantes had distracted me for 23.8 seconds I forgot about them until last week. An article appeared on the BBC website which drew my attention away from the fluffy animal videos on Twitter. It was new advice from the Vegan Society on supporting Vegans in the workplace. I stopped eating my bacon roll……

The advice ranged from offering vegan menus at workplace events to providing vegan-friendly workwear for people who want it. I blinked. Was this real or had March gone and it was the first day of April? Nope. It was real. I read on…….

The Vegan Society wants companies who ask staff to attend corporate events want vegan co-workers to be exempt from being asked to attend corporate events like horse racing or events where there might be a hog roast on the barbecue. I mean…..really???

‘Oh Jasmine…..avert your eyes….there’s a man flipping burgers over there only feet away from us. Run….let’s run away and hide’

The Vegan Society recommendations continued.

  1. Colour coded kitchen equipment
  2. separate areas to prepare meat free food
  3. providing non leather phone cases for work phones
  4. specific shelves in the works fridge for vegans only
  5. the chance for staff to discuss vegan friendly pension options

The Vegan Society then quoted Jess who found it ‘exhausting’ explaining her dietary choices to work colleagues. It also quoted a new ruling which makes jokes or comments about vegans can be considered harassment in the workplace under the Equality Act 2010!!

I don’t know about you but whenever I see a work colleague eating just carrots I praise them for being healthy and wise. However, where do you take all this. What about the Lacto-ovo vegetarians who don’t have meat, poultry, seafood, or meat products (such as gelatin, broths, gravy and lard) but still eat eggs and dairy products. Or the following…

  • Pescatarian: the only meat eaten is fish; they still consume eggs and dairy.
  • Beegan: vegan, with honey included in diet.
  • Flexitarian: eat mostly plant foods, but include small amounts of meat in the diet.
  • Vegan before 6pm: follow a vegan diet until 6pm daily.
Deep Fried Mars Bar – invented in Scotland 🙂

There used to be a thing called common sense. I’ve never seen a meat eater ask to have a special shelve to keep their lunch boxes away from Mavis the Pescetarian from Accounts nor have I seen Barry, the vegan from purchasing ask me to move my chicken sandwich box away from his Edameme. I will continue though to hide my deep fried mars bar from everyone by wrapping it in something called aluminium foil.

Stay safe people and remember, stay sensible and eat what you want 🙂

‘The Vegan Vigilantes’ was brought to you by Dodo Productions ©️ 2020 and @qosfc1919 on Twitter. All thoughts are my own (I hope 😁😁😁)

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