3D and the NotSoSmart TV (aka AVATAR the unwatched 3D version)

It’s been a sad week for all of us in the family, as our Dad passed away suddenly on Wednesday. He was the nicest, quietest man, who never wronged anyone. He didn’t know Twitter, computers or blogging but he did have a sense of humour and he knows that, as part of coping with his death, humour would continue to play a big role in getting me through these days. He’d appreciate this little story which only happened last night. It’s dedicated to my Dad, Eric……

My stories were never going to be about members of the family. I have a plethora of characters I’ve made up along the way and there’s always things happening in politics or sport to provide enough fuel for my meanderings. However, none of the characters involved in this short skit would be upset by what I’m about to describe and I’ve already told them that………😉

So…… Fran’s uncle and auntie had booked to come over from Ireland this weekend. When they heard the news about Dad, they said they wouldn’t come. However, I knew they would lighten the load a bit so, we agreed they would still get the ferry to Stranraer and drive the 90 miles to our home……..

Now, I bought a ‘smart tv’ back in January, a 46″ Samsung thing with 3D and apps etc. it was easy enough to set up and came with two sets of 3D glasses. After having had the thing for a couple of weeks, we couldn’t resist buying a copy of AVATAR in 3D and setting things up to give it a go. I was t really expecting much. I’d seen the original film in 3D at the cinema on a humongous screen. There was no way it would be as good as that. I’d always remembered a scene where some general is talking to an audience. In 3D it looked as if the actors were sitting right in front of us, with a bald guy in particular, who looked so close to me, I remembered mimicking patting him on the head (yes childish I know ☺️)

So, we got the telly set up, switched on the active 3D glasses, et voila, there was AVATAR, in our living room, in three glorious dimensions. It didn’t quite have a the depth of the big screen but I was impressed, very impressed and, wearing contact lenses most of the time, was looking forward to more 3D special nights of televisual entertainment……..

4 months later, the glasses now covered in a slight layer of dust, suddenly, last night, someone suggested we get AVATAR out and impress the relatives with our 3D gizmo. Now, there were five of us and only four sets of glasses. However, since Kate had already seen it, she opted out and was left sitting watching us get set up. Both Fran’s Auntie and Uncle wear glasses, so they looked a bit awkward sitting with the 3D glasses on, as did I, who’d taken my lenses out of tired eyes earlier.

So there we sat…….

‘ start it then D…. Start it….’

‘Give me a minute, there’s more remote controls here than I can shake a stick at……..’

That’s the only thing with modern technology. We have about six different remote controls, and, to make things worse, in the dark, wearing 3D specs on top of my normal glasses, I was trying to switch AVATAR on using the cordless phone………. ☺️

After a couple of more minutes of technoblunder, we were off and running……. 😳

‘Thats it, that’s it…….ok, can you see 3D’

‘I’m not sure Frances, I’m not even sure what it’s supposed to look like…..’ said Fran’s Uncle.

‘Does everybody have their lights flashing?’
‘What bloody flashing lights’ I said

‘The lights on the glasses. There’s a little button to press, remember…..there its on the screen, mine are on….’

Fran was right enough. It was coming back to me now. There was a button on the glasses and I could see the green indicator on the tv with the message ‘3D glasses now connected’.
Now, the rest of us tried the same thing and, randomly, little messages of ‘connection’ success started appearing on the bottom left of the screen.

‘Ok, can everyone see 3D now?’

‘I can’t tell you whether I’m looking at three, two, or just the one bloody direction’ said uncle Ian.

Then Fran said the immortal words……’mum, what can you see……?’

Kate, as we mentioned earlier, was sitting watching the chaos unfold with no 3D glasses on.

‘Perfect, it’s perfect….’

‘What do you mean, it’s perfect……it should look fuzzy to you….’

‘Nope, it’s as clear as a bell’

There was so much going on, all in the dark, people putting glasses on and off , pressing connection buttons, taking the batteries out and putting them on again, that we’d forgotten to check what the one person without 3D glasses could see……… 😳 ………then, it dawned on us. We’d forgotten to switch the 3D setting on one of the menus on the TV itself!

‘ for goodness sake D, were faffing around all that time and we’re not even in 3D mode…..!’

By this time, the cats offer to play scrabble with me, looked the much better offer…..

‘Nope, still looks 2D to me…’ Said a now grumpy Fran.

‘Well, I’m trying to push these buttons on the remote in the pitch black and, every time I go back to the menu, the 3D option says OFF………..I’ve no idea why it’s doing that….’

‘What are those other options with one person, two and that other thing at the end?’

‘I’ve no idea. We’ve only used it the once, how should I know……I’ll try it…..’

Five minutes later, we were now all looking at a blurred picture.

‘Jeezo, that’s not right…’ I exclaimed, looking for an exit plan.

Eventually, after more darklit, now random, button pressing, Fran exclaimed’

‘I’ve got it, that’s 3D……perfect………..does everyone have 3D now?’

I’d lost interest by now, we’d missed the first half hour of the film and fran’s auntie and uncle looked as interested in 3D television as if I’d started explaining to them how Twitter works……….

‘Nope, just looks the same to me’ said uncle Ian, who in the reflected light of the amazing ‘smart’ tv, looked as if he’d given up as many ghosts as I had.
‘Well, you try my glasses…..’

Uncle Ian swapped glasses…….

‘Oh, yes, I think that floaty thing is coming towards me… Ooh get it off me……’

‘Its the glasses’ said Fran ‘I can’t see any 3D with uncle Ian’s glasses’

We worked out, in the dark, by a studied detailed 2 by 2 factorial statistical experiment…….. or just random swapping of glasses, or one of the two,☺️, that two pairs of glasses worked and two didn’t. It then donned on us that we’d bought the two extra ones online. Although they were proper Samsung glasses, maybe they were copies or the batteries were not so good. After battery swapping experimentation and more pressing of buttons, we came to the conclusion that none of us ever wanted to watch AVATAR, in any three, four or indeed five dimensionsional status, ever again.

‘I think I’ll be off to bed’ said Uncle Ian.

Never a better statement had been made by anyone all night…………. within seconds the ‘notsosmart’ TV was off, the 3D glasses were cast asunder, and duvet time beckoned……😎

‘3D and the NotSoSmart TV’ was brought to you by SMILE and Dodo Productions © and dedicated to our Dad, Eric Linden, who died on Wednesday, 23rd April 2014 😔

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